My first ever painting with oils (or painting whatsoever). I've never been a person who draws, or paints, but now that I'm faced with a major surgery - and my own mortality I've realized life's too short not to try these things never tried.
I had a bit of a breakdown on Thursday. Had an MRI of my right hip on Monday, which I have to tell you isn't hip dysplasia friendly - (taping your feet together and lying with your legs flat for 45 minutes). My appointment with Dr. Shonnard wasn't for another two weeks, but since I was stressing - my appointment was to tell me whether I'd need a PAO or a scope, I called the office and they managed to fit me in three days later. How amazing is that? Yay for understanding doctors.
I tried to will the end result into being a scope. All of my energy was put into this. So when my doctor said that I need a PAO, and he won't do a scope, I had a bit of a breakdown. Started crying in the office and everything, which is huge for me, since I rarely cry by myself, and never cry in front of other people. I also told him I need to wait until January '13 for the surgery, since that's when my short term disability kicks in, and he said that he didn't think I'd make it that long. He may be right. So much of my life happiness revolves around being active and running around - hiking, exploring, trying new sports and things. It's been really hard these past few months with all of the pain and loss of range of motion. My job is so physically demanding that it takes all I have right now physically, and after work I'm so sore and in so much pain I'm pretty useless. And if I can only swim and bike, not even use a treadmill or elliptical, that means I can't even hike right? How can I get through eleven months of that?
It's also hard working in the operating room and finding out you need a major surgery. I see what goes on back there. I've sloshed around in blood on the floors or wiped blood off the ceiling from surgery. I've smelt the smell of bovie-burned flesh and assisted in holding limbs while saws are taken to bones. I know what's said and how exposed you are. It makes this whole process so much harder working in an operating room.
I manage stress by excessive planning, and I suppose there are worse ways to respond to stress. So I've made a new budget, started to plan what needs to be done before surgery (where I'm going to stay, moving into a downstairs apartment, etc.) and have been doing research on strength training. I'm trying to get out of this sad-funk I've been in these past few months and focus on being positive. That's a work in progress.
I need some foster kittens to lift my spirits, hopefully foster kitten business will be picking up soon at the local humane society.
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